(Seinfeld Series #2) By Daniel Beenken

"I have a secret weapon: My son!"

These are the famous first and last words of a delusional Frank Costanza. In all his infinite wisdom, Mr. C jumps on the late 90s boom of computers. Frank knows nothing about the industry, but that’s a story for another day. What he does have, or so he thinks, is a gifted son who can sell the crap out of them. That son, of course, is none other than our good friend George Costanza — a man who hasn’t been able to manage much of anything his entire life.

“Costanza and Son Computers” is born, and we are pulled into a world of family business dysfunction. I wanted to lay out a few lessons we can all learn from the Costanzas.

Lesson 1 — Your son is not your secret weapon

Frank has been trying to sell computers for a couple of months with no luck. Something must change. So what does he decide to do? “Hire my family” — surely that will solve our problems, said no one, ever. George has been a failed realtor, baseball executive, parking attendant, manuscript reader, sitcom writer, hand model, etc., etc., etc. Yet somehow dad thinks this is his son’s time to shine?

As Shakespeare often said, love is blind. As a parent, we often think our kids are the most amazing humans on earth. My parents obviously know that, but many of us need to take a more objective approach to what our kids are capable of. Don’t be afraid to ask for outside opinions; their strengths/weaknesses, and where they might fit, if at all, “on the bus."

Lesson 2 — I’m not “dad” in the workplace.

I hope this one is pretty straightforward. It’s never a good idea to refer to your family members as “mom”, “dad”, “Uncle Jimmy”, etc. at work. Go with “Jim,” and everyone will feel a little less creeped out.

Lesson 3 — Serenity Now — is not the way to manage conflict.

As fellow employee Lloyd Braun tells George, “Serenity Now, Insanity Later.” Apparently, this is how he ended up with a family in his freezer. That’s one way to solve conflict, but I’d encourage an alternative approach. You can avoid difficult conversations for only so long, and eventually things are going to blow up. The better approach is healthy, consistent conversation. Maybe try a family meeting... just stay away from “Serenity Now”!